I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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