oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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