if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
