My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
