tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
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Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
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It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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