Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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