Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
tell me about the fingering
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