I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
