If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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