Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
