ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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