guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
