My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
