ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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