i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
