he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
