Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
