she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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