Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
