sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
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I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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