turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize