i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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