you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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