So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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