i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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