I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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