everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
