I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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