I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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