i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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