Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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