you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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