do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
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I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize