walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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