Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
too bad you live with your parents still
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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