My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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