She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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