walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
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while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
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You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.