u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.