the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
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My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm at about main and main street
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
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She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me