A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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