you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
50% drunk capacity currently
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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