so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.