I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day