Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us