I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
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she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.