I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
