The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
