do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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