i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
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Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
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I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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