my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
