Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize