I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
