i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
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I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
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We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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