she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
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My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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